Brand New Day

13352 days remaining

I once knew a guy who would always say: "there's plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead."  He was a scrawny guy but he certainly had a passion for engine/machine repair.  He just felt it in his bones.  He never spent a day doubting what it was he wanted out of his life.  I scoffed at what he envisioned for himself.  So small.  It won't make a difference.  It won't impact anyone.  Who wants to fix mowers for the rest of their life?

Trouble is I envied the man.  I don't like envying anyone but there I was, young, in college at the age of 16, envying a guy who barely graduated high school.  Why?  He knew what he loved.  Most importantly, however, he knew what he wanted out of this life.  There I was unable to recognize myself.

There's plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead.  Such a casual statement with humor of course but it was deeper than that.  It's death right there out in the open for all to see.

I reflect, especially today, because today is the birth of my son, my first born.  I know I will have a hand in shaping his intellect, his compassion, and his grace.  What his mark on this world will be will depend heavily on what I can impart upon him.  I hope that by writing this blog, I can begin to finally mold my thoughts and drives in a way that spurs me to grab life and what I love to do by the horns.  How can I teach him to do this when I haven't fully mastered it myself?  I don't know but I'll try my best.

I have 37 years of my life left.  I hope in all honesty I can impart some of the simple lessons my dad imparted me on how to treat myself and others.  I hope to show him how to be slow to temper and slow to judge.  Truth and justice must be deeply thought about and not surface scratched.  That it is in our nature to judge that which is different from us and to fight against that nature for the sake of peace and more importantly...understanding.  I hope I can give him that. And, I hope I can give him the ability to love what he does.

Sometimes, I think about what Steve Jobs said.  He said, "Every day I look in the mirror and ask myself, 'If I were to die today, is the thing I'm going to do the thing I'd want to do.'" He then went on to say that if too many days in a row the answer to the question was no, he needed to make a change.  Most of the time I answer yes but sometimes I say no.  Lately it's been no.  But today, with my son being born, the answer is most definitely yes.  I've finally meaning in this world in the wrinkly eyes of a newborn.

I'll take 70 please...

Years that is.  I'm calling it.  Some of you may think it morbid.  Perhaps most of you may believe me to be depressed or that I require psychiatric hospitalization.  Well, be assured I'm the most stable and functional of people.  I'm the most sane of them all.  My fortune and my life has never been more fantastic than it is right now.  I've got a great career as a hospital pharmacist, a loving doctor lady wife, a dog and some chickens.  Oh, and did I mention a baby on the way?

70 seems like a lot of years to me.  I was on a run this morning thinking about what message to the world should be.  What is it that in this life I've discovered?  Truth is, I'm still in the discovery phase of my life, still searching.  So if you've come here for some sort of truth or vision, I can't say I have that.  Maybe Pope Francis has it or ancient scholars have it.

We spent an extraordinary amount of time in our lives, our culture and our world trying to cheat death but 10 out 10 dies I'll die.  It was at one time a man my age, 33, had a relatively high probably of dying in the next few years.  Now, with society being so safe, for many of us death is a luxury thought.  It's reflected on only during the passing of a loved one or in old age when there is nothing left to give to this world.

I spend an exceedingly large amount of my day helping society cheat death but inevitably it comes to us all.  Therein lies I think one of the most powerful realizations a person can have.  That because death for so many of us is now so far away, we are comfortable in letting the hours pass and the time slip away.  We're okay with dead end jobs, 30 year loans, and toil in anonymity.

I chose 70 because I think that's when I think I'll die.  Homo sapiens in their present anatomic form have been around for 200,000 years.  That 70 years is similar to the time span of one week in a 70 year lifetime.  Hence, my existence is just a week in the history of human beings and as of right now it's nearly half way over!  It's hump day.

I think I've done quite well for this week so far.  At least I hope I have.  I'd say we should go out with a bang...